"FORTY-SIX YEARS!"

“FORTY-SIX YEARS!”

            We gathered on a hot afternoon in May in 1974 in the backyard of Ed Loring in Decatur.  Actually, we had been gathering all day that May 18, as we got the house and the yard ready for our outdoor wedding.  There were plenty of tensions around – several couples attending were having troubles, were already separated or would be divorced soon.  Caroline’s mom wanted us to get married in the home church in Chattanooga, but that church - Central Presbyterian (now closed)- had refused to endorse Caroline’s request to be sponsored as a candidate for ministry.  The reason for the refusal:  women should not be ordained as pastors.  Only later would Caroline find out that she has a host of pastors in her family tree! Momma Martha Leach was none too pleased with our having a “hippie” wedding outside, but at least Caroline was getting married!  At least something was working out.

            We had no money, so we asked folk to bring covered dishes for the wedding meal – we had both grown up in the church, with all those great Wednesday night and Sunday after worship covered dishes.  It worked – we had several hundred people attend, and there was food enough for all.   One added bonus – many people left their dishes (Corningware and such) as wedding gifts, and we are still using some of them today!  We had asked people to give donations to non-profits, whom we suggested (or to those they preferred) instead of giving us gifts. 

The wedding party began at 11 AM, ceremony at 2 (led by Ed and Sandy Winter, mentor of Caroline’s from Chattanooga), and the party continued until at least 11 PM, when we went to bed.  We were blessed to be surrounded by so many friends, family and supporters – my mother and Mary Wetzel drove over from Helena, my college friend Harmon Wray and many others came from my Nashville days, my lifelong friend David Billings and wife Meredith from New Orleans (she made our wedding rings), Caroline’s family from Chattanooga, including her grandmother Sophie Leach from west Tennessee (who had intrigued me with her stories of coming EAST in a covered wagon from Texas to west Tennessee), friends of Caroline’s from that aforementioned Central church, Caroline’s students from her campus ministry at Georgia Tech, Columbia Seminary students, friends from Caroline’s new church Central Presbyterian in Atlanta (they did take her in and approve her, thanks to pastor Randy Taylor, who had six daughters), and feminist friends.

I grew up as an only child, raised by a single mother, so sharing intimate space with Caroline was quite an adjustment – I learned that the world did not revolve around me as an only child.  When we had two children, I was glad that they could learn in a feet-on-the-ground level that the world does not center on them – their sibling was there to remind them of that!  It has been quite a journey in these 46 years – it is such a powerful and difficult blessing to find that someone can get to know you in such an intimate way and still want to be with you!  Wow!

We chose May 18 as our wedding date because Caroline did not want to be a June bride and because it was on a Saturday.  It came right in the middle of my exams at Columbia Seminary, so we had to have a quick honeymoon, and we are so grateful to Erskine and Nan Clarke for providing the apartment in their home in Montreat for that quick turnaround!  While we were there, we went to Asheville (before it was hip), and we toured Thomas Wolfe’s home there and met his brother Fred, who was walking up the sidewalk to the home.  We chose the date before we developed race awareness, and I have since found out that May 18 is also the date in 1896 when Plessy v Ferguson was announced by the US Supreme Court, effectively legalizing neo-slavery for another 58 years until May 17, 1954, gave us Brown v. Board of Education.  So, three powerful events in that trio of days – Plessy, Brown, and our wedding!