"JUNTEENTH"

  “JUNETEENTH”

    In 2021, Juneteenth was made a national holiday, thanks to the efforts of many people.  This week many folk will celebrate the Emancipation Proclamation on “Juneteenth,” the name given to the event in Texas, where news of the Proclamation  and the Union defeat of the Confederacy did not reach African-Americans held in slavery in Texas until June 19, 1865.  At that time, U.S. General Gordon Granger arrived in Galveston with 2,000 federal troops and made this General Order #3:

“The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor. The freedmen are advised to remain quietly at their present homes and work for wages. They are informed that they will not be allowed to collect at military posts and that they will not be supported in idleness either there or elsewhere.”

            Juneteenth has become the most recognized national celebration of the end of legal slavery in the country.  Many other dates could qualify, and some are celebrated:  watch night services in African-American churches on December 31 of each year, similar  to the ones in 1862, right before the Proclamation took effect;  January 31, when the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery passed Congress;  December 6, when the states ratified the 13th Amendment. Yet, Juneteenth has held on for many reasons.  

            Perhaps the biggest reason that Juneteenth has held on is that it expresses both celebration and ambivalence.  Celebration that there was finally some recognition of the humanity and equality of people of African descent.  Ambivalence because there was so much reluctance to get this news to the people of Texas.  The racism that would eviscerate the Union victory over the next 40 years, after the Civil War,  could be seen in the last sentence of Order #3 – though African-Americans had built the wealth of much of America, they were still seen as being “in idleness.”  The order arrived over 2 years after the Emancipation Proclamation and two months after the Confederate surrender at Appomattox.  As WEB Dubois put it:  “The slave went free; stood a brief moment in the sun; then moved back again toward slavery.”

The recognition of Juneteenth is a reminder of two of the most powerful forces in American history, forces that are opposed to one another.  One is the idea of equality, and the other is the idea of slavery (and the white supremacy that undergirds it).  These have been warring ideas in American history.  The idea of equality – the vision that all human beings are created with equal dignity – is a powerful one in American history.  It was born in Europe, but it found its deepest expression in the colonies of America.  This idea of equality is one of the great and unexpected gifts of the American experience.  It is a revolutionary idea, and it calls out to all structures -  class structures, racial categories,  gender categories – that their time is winding down, that a new way of looking sat ourselves and at one another is emerging in the world.  That way is the idea of equality, the idea that we are all created with equal dignity.  That way is the idea that the institutional and structural foundations of society should be reformed to reflect this radical idea.

Yet, as we all are well aware, this powerful gift of equality is always banging against the idea of white supremacy, which seeks to tell us that those of us classified as “white” that we are meant to be in control.  We saw that struggle this past weekend, as the Trumpster gathered his tanks and soldiers and a few people in DC, while millions marched and protested in cities and towns across the country against the white supremacy that is the base root of the MAGA movement.

            It is now time to step up, speak up, and act out.  So, on June 19,  find a way to celebrate the great American vision of the fundamental equality of all people.  Find a way to acknowledge how deeply white supremacy still has a hold on our hearts and vision.  Find a way to work against that captivity, as did Frederick Douglass and Abby Kelley and William Lloyd Garrison and Harriet Tubman and Ida Wells and Anne Braden and Martin Luther King, Jr., and Fannie Lou Hamer and Ella Baker and many others have done.  Let us join in that parade of witnesses. 

"FIFTY YEARS AS A MINISTER!!"

 “FIFTY YEARS AS A MINISTER!”

Last year was Caroline and my 50th wedding anniversary, and this year  marks the 50th anniversary of my ordination as a minister in the Presbyterian Church.  Caroline was ordained as a pastor in 1973 by Atlanta Presbytery, the 21st woman to be ordained as a pastor by the former Southern Presbyterian Church.  So, she is the senior pastor in our family.

I was ordained by Norfolk Presbytery (now Eastern Virginia Presbytery) as co-pastor with Caroline of St. Columba Presbyterian Church on Sunday afternoon, June 8 at St. Columba Church in Norfolk.  Caroline and I were the first clergy couple to serve in a local church in the former Southern Presbyterian Church (the Presbyterian denominations reunited in 1983 after the Southern church split off at the beginning of the Civil War in 1861, so that it could support slavery).  We came to St. Columba from Atlanta, where I was finishing up seminary at Columbia, and Caroline was a campus minister at Georgia Tech.  Though no one had ever tried it in the Southern church, we wanted to try it, and we were young enough to still have that pioneering spirit.  St. Columba was a small missionary church, located in a private 1500 unit low income housing project, with many Navy families.  Norfolk Presbytery was funding the work, and we later received the Presbyterian Women’s Birthday Offering to put St. Columba Ministries on solid financial ground.  

I grew up in First Presbyterian Church in Helena, Arkansas, and though its members included wealthy planters, First Pres was largely a working-class Presbyterian church.  My mother was a dedicated church member, so we were at the church all the time, and I drank in the atmosphere of hearing that God loved me.  This was especially important to me because my father had abandoned my mother and me when I was an infant. It was especially important to hear that definition rather than feeling that I was defined as child abandoned by my father.  I loved the church, and it loved me, and because of that, many people in the church indicated that I would make a great minister.  

Though I loved talking about and thinking about God and religion, I resisted the idea of becoming a minister for a long time.  Part of my resistance came from my sense of not being worthy, of not being good enough.  Ministers lead public lives, and I had enough internal impulses and feelings that made me feel that I could never live up to the call.  Second, southern white culture sought to emasculate most male ministers, so that the liberating power of the Gospel would be mitigated as much as possible.  How could white people who were Christians hold people in slavery and in neo-slavery?  By splitting out the Gospel from justice issues – God only cared about what happened to people when they died.  Though I could not articulate this as a teenage boy, I intuited this idea that I would have to give up some of my humanity and my masculinity and my passion if I were to become a minister.

The Reverend Harold Jackson was my pastor in my teenage years, and he helped to mitigate some of my resistance to becoming a minister.  He was fully a man; he was a passionate and good preacher; and he believed in weaving the Gospel with life in the world.  In 1963, he led my youth group in a staged reading of the play “A Cup of Trembling,” about the life and death of Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  It only occurred to me later that in that same spring of 1963, MLK was leading the Birmingham campaign.  I am certain that Harold had this revolution in mind as he led us in the reading and discussion of this play.  He was helping us to see the necessity of living the Gospel faith out in the world, that God cared about not only what happened to us when we died, but what happened to us when we were living as well.

After college, I went to Vanderbilt Divinity School with the intention of getting a PhD in philosophy and religion, but mainly I wanted to be near my fiancé, who was still a student at Rhodes College.  While at Vandy, I met Ed Loring, who was getting his PhD in American church history, and he was an ordained Presbyterian minister.  He was articulate, manly, intelligent, and he was passionate about the need to weave the Gospel message in with the life of the world.  He encouraged me to move towards ordination, and so I did.  

I have served three Presbyterian churches as pastor:  St. Columba in Norfolk; Second in Nashville, and our long pastorate at Oakhurst Presbyterian in Decatur.  I discovered that I loved to preach and that I loved to be a pastor to people – to hear their faith stories and struggles, to help them hear about God’s love, as I was helped to hear about God’s love.  It is a sacred walk to be invited by people into their deepest journeys and feelings, and it has been a great privilege to do so.  And the preaching!  I preached yesterday at North Decatur Presbyterian Church on Pentecost Sunday, and I loved putting together the sermon which noted how afraid the first disciples were and how afraid we are in these crazy days.  

Though I did not want to become a pastor, I have leaned in to in a way that has astonished me and has enriched me in ways that I could not have imagined.  And, I have been privileged to walk in this space as a pastor.  These fifty years have not gone by quickly, but in many ways, it seems just the twinkling of an eye since that Sunday afternoon when I said “yes” fifty years ago in Norfolk.  I give thanks to God, to Caroline, to my mother, and to all those who have nurtured me along this way.  

"NEW YORK, NEW YORK!!"

 “NEW YORK, NEW YORK!”

Caroline and I are back in Decatur after a two week trip to Baltimore, Providence, and New York.  Our daughter Susan drove us all around the Northeast, as we celebrated granddaughter Emma’s graduation from Brown and then went to visit New York City.  We were blessed to stay with Nancy Regalado Horwitz, sister of Margery Freeman.  Nancy’s apartment is in Greenwich Village, and she was such a gracious host, fixing us scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast each morning before we went out on our adventures for the day.  On Tuesday evening we rode the subway from 14th Street to 231st Street to eat supper with Margery and David Billings at their home in the Bronx.  The subway was full of different kinds of people, all heading home from work.  It was good to be with David and Margery again, especially since David and I had first experienced New York City in the summer of 1966.  We were grateful to see them each of our three days in New York.

Our first foray into the city took us into Brooklyn, where we had taken a Lyft to see Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church, the church that changed the lives of David and me.  Caroline, Susan, and I were greeted by LAPC’S administrative assistant Harriet Bodner – the pastor Emily Brewer was on vacation.  As we entered the building through the South Oxford Street entrance, I was flooded by so many memories of the place that changed my heart and my mind. We went into the sanctuary, which is currently not being used because some of the ceiling has fallen in.  The church will soon launch a capital campaign to do repairs to the sanctuary.  The sanctuary has many Tiffany stained glass windows, but in 1978,  a powerful, fluid mural was added to the sanctuary walls and ceiling.  It is called “Cloud of Witnesses,” and it was painted by Hank Prussing, who was around when David and I were summer staff members.  It is a collage of the people of the Fort Greene in which LAPC is located. 

As we walked through the sanctuary and some of the rest of the building, I felt the pangs and the possibilities of urban ministry that Caroline and I had experienced in our pastorate at Oakhurst.  Like Oakhurst, LAPC is an old building, constantly in need of repair but also with a center of a vibrant spiritual and social justice ministry.  It is the urban church at its best and at its neediest – congregations are shrinking, but funding is always needed.  Before I get in too lofty a space, we also went into the Jarvie Room, which was a gathering place for the summer staff in 1966 and 1967.  It was also the place where I had my first real romantic kiss – a young Black woman named Deirdre Jordan and I began a summer romance that at the time I hoped would last longer, but time and distance diminished our fervor.  Yet, it. was stunning and great at the time!

We left LAPC, ate lunch at a local diner, then took the subway back to 14th Street, where we went to Strand Books, which advertises itself as having 18 miles of books.  It was indeed overwhelming, but I managed to get out with only some postcards.  That night we ate supper at Nancy’s apartment with David and Margery and daughter Stella coming over – we had not seen Stella in many years.  It was great to catch up, and also to hear of Nancy’s impending birthday party – she will be 90 this month!

On Thursday we met Margery at the Guggenheim Museum in the Central Park, and we saw a powerful exhibit by Rashid Johnson called “A Poem for Deep Thinkers.”  It wound all around the spirals of the Guggenheim structure, and it is many kinds of media, with its emphasis being the glory and the struggles of being Black in American culture – look him up and check it out if you can’t get there in person.  Since Caroline had never been to Central Park, we took a quick walk through there, before taking a bus back to Nancy’s apartment in the Village, a long but relatively quick trek through late afternoon New York traffic.

That night we had a fine finish to our New York trip by joining David and Margery at the Majestic Theater in the Broadway district to see Audra McDonald star in the reprise of the play “Gypsy.”  She gave a stunning performance as the mother who seeks to drive her daughters into stardom, with one of them – Louise – becoming Gypsy Rose Lee.  Ms. McDonald has been nominated for a Tony Award for this performance, and though I have not seen any other performers, it is hard to imagine one better than hers.  After the play, we went to John’s Pizzeria with David and Margery to discuss the play and to reluctantly say good-bye to our good and longtime friends. Susan suggested that we take a cab back to Nancy’s, so that we could experience all of NYC’s modes of transportation – subway, train, bus, rideshare, and personal car.

New York City was a magical place to me in the summers of 1966 and 1967, and as I have written before, it changed my life forever.  Though some of the magic has dimmed over the years, in this visit, I still felt its call and its vision for a multicultural life seeking to move towards equity and justice.  I am grateful to Caroline and Susan, who suggested that we take a short trip into NYC on the way back from Providence.  It was good to be back in the Big City, the greatest in the world, according to many.

"ON CHANGING HEARTS AND MINDS"

 “ON CHANGING HEARTS AND MINDS”

Caroline, Susan and I attended Emma’s graduation from Brown yesterday, and it was a grand occasion!  I graduated from college in 1968, and the world has changed dramatically since then, so I’m wondering what Emma’s world will look like 50 years from now.  More on that another time.  

We are also heading for New York City on the way back from Providence to Baltimore, and thanks to our friends David Billings and Margery Freeman, we will be staying in a friend’s apartment while there.  My first trip to New York changed my life, and I want to share some of that journey in today’s blog.  David Billings and I went up to Brooklyn in 1966 to work in the summer program at Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church.  We had both been raised in the white supremacist culture of  Arkansas on the Mississippi River Delta. We had believed the lies of white supremacy because they had been taught to us by people whom we loved and trusted – our families, our churches, our schools.  Yet, we had been in college for almost 2 years, and we had both begun to believe that there was a deeper and wider world out there than our white supremacist worldview.  Lest our motives sound too noble, our main motivating factor was to get out of small town life for the summer and go to NYC to experience the excitement of the big city! 

Our summer at LAPC changed our lives.  It was there in 1966 that the hold of white supremacy began to be loosened in our hearts and in our perceptions.  The supervisors of the summer program were African-American, and many of our co-workers were African-American.  For a short while, we tried to hold on to the white supremacist beliefs that we brought with us, but that did not last very long.  Though we had grown up with African-Americans all around us in the neo-slavery South, we had never considered that they were human beings like us.  Our summer in Brooklyn in 1966 changed all of that.  It showed us why the segregation of neo-slavery was so important in maintaining white supremacy.   In Brooklyn, we worked with and were supervised by African-Americans, and it did not take long for us to recognize that they were human beings just like us.

I remember going a field trip to Prospect Park with the workers and students of the summer program.  As we walked from the subway station to the Park, and as I looked out over the rainbow coalition of our group, I thought to myself for the first time that I was experiencing a new world here, and that I was excited about it.  Later on that day, David and I shared some of these perceptions, and we discerned that we would not be able to go back home and pick up the mantle of white supremacy again.  We would have many more lessons to learn about the depth of racism in our own souls, but we made a huge step that summer at LAPC in Brooklyn.  We could no longer accept the white supremacy that we had been taught.  We were excited about that, but we also knew that it meant trouble for us – we could not go home again.  Just by returning South to our family and friends, we would be getting into some good trouble.  It was the beginning of our changing our hearts and minds from the white supremacy of the South to a larger and deeper vision of the humanity of all people.  It was the beginning of our working to seek to change that world of white supremacy into a world that valued diversity, equity and inclusion.

I later found out that this was part of LAPC’s history – they often hired young white adults from the South, seeking to show us a different way of life and a different way of perceiving ourselves and perceiving others.  It worked for David and me, and we have been trying ever since to work out a new way of life, and the  new way of being anti-racists in the world.  LAPC and NYC changed our lives forever, and for that we are profoundly grateful. 

As it often has in north American history, that power of white supremacy is trying to re-assert itself again, with the Trumpster leading the charge.  In these days when white supremacy has become fashionable again, let us remember who we are as children of God – siblings of all kinds of colors and sexual orientations and genders and economic classes and nationalities, all called to build a culture where al are valued and included.  So, let’s get to building that new world.

"BIG WEEK!"

 “BIG WEEK!”

Yesterday was Caroline’s and my 51st anniversary – a calm day compared to the great whirlwind and ado of our 50th anniversary last year.  We postponed our 50th a bit last year because our granddaughter Zoe was graduating from high school at Interlochen Arts Academy on the same weekend.  We went up for that grand occasion and had our 50th on June 22 at Hawkins Hall at Legacy Park in Decatur.  That building had previously been the dining hall for the former Methodist Children’s Home in Decatur.  We had a great time, with over 135 people attending, and many who could not come shared a video about us.  We then went on a 50th anniversary tour, stopping in Edisto Island, SC, then Norfolk, Virginia (where we had our first church together as a clergy couple), then to Baltimore, DC, and Pennsylvania.  We are grateful for Susan and David organizing it for us.  We got married on May 18 in 1974 because Caroline did not want to be a “June bride,” and I teased her at our 50th that after all these years, we were celebrating our 50th in June, not in May, so our wedding got connected to June after all.

We’re now about to head out on a similar tour, though this one will center on our granddaughter Emma’s graduation from college at Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island.  We’ll head to Baltimore for a day, and then we’ll drive with Susan up to Brown, where we’ll meet up with David, Erin, and Zoe (who has just completed her first year of college at the University of Colorado).  We’ll share an Airbnb, celebrate Emma’s hard work, and watch her graduate on Sunday, May 25.  Then David will get ready to be inducted into the American Academy of Science in DC before he and the family head off to Finland, where he will be doing some lectures on science education.  

    Caroline, Susan and I will make a stopover in NYC, for a few days.  Caroline has never spent much time there, so we’ll be tourists for a few days, thanks to Margery Freeman and David Billings, who have found a place for us to stay in the Village.  Caroline has a visit planned to the Statue of Liberty;  I want to see Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church in Brooklyn, which changed my life in 1966; and Susan has found a play for us to see – “Lights Out” about Nat King Cole’s final TV show.  So, a lot to see!

    It has been quite a ride over these 51 years for Caroline and me – many ups and downs, many joys, some struggles, but most of all a great adventure.  I’m now working on a book about our pioneering ministry as a clergy couple – we were the first clergy couple to serve in a local church in the former Southern Presbyterian Church. It is tentatively entitled “Better Together: Pioneers in Ministry and Partners in Marriage.”   It is fun (and sometimes painful) to revisit all those stories and streams in our lives together.  If you have stories, memories, insights about our ministry or our marriage, we’d love to hear from you – maybe they’ll appear in the book!  For now, I give thanks to Caroline for all her gifts to me and to so many others!

 

"DAVID BILLINGS!"

 “DAVID BILLINGS”

In mid-April, Caroline and I traveled to Baltimore to see Susan and to see the play that she directed at her university (UMBC).  The title of the play is “John Proctor Is the Villain,” an answer to Arthur Miller’s play “The Crucible,” from the early 1950’s.  It is quite a good play – indeed, the Broadway version has just been nominated for 7 Tony awards.  Susan was prescient, and Caroline and I are hip because we have seen this highly regarded play, as well as being proud of Susan for her fine direction of the play.

Several of our friends came down to see the play, including my long-time friend David Billings and his spouse Margery Freeman, who traveled down from the Bronx to see us and to see the play.  David and I were remembering that we had known one another for 70 years!  I remember meeting him in the 4th grade at segregated Helena Junior High School (it was 4th-8th grade at that time).  He had moved from McComb, Mississippi, leaving his family home to go west.  Over the years, we became good friends.  I was drawn to him by his mind, by his sense of humor, and by his kind heart.  He was a “regular” guy – liked sports and played them, dated a lot, was religious and a solid citizen, and like me, believed in white supremacy.  I was more on the periphery – shy, didn’t date much, believing in white supremacy, but wavering a bit as I hit high school.  We hit it off because of our love of ideas and because we knew that there was a deeper and wider world out there.  He also loved being around my mother, who encouraged our nascent free thinking.

We went off to college – David to Ole Miss, me to Rhodes (then Southwestern at Memphis) – but we stayed in close touch.  We both had experiences in our first year that began to break down the hold that white supremacy had on our hearts and our minds.  David loved history and literature, although he was a math stud as well.  I was a math whiz, but my heart leaped when I took a philosophy course.  I remember sitting at Nick’s Cafe in Helena with David during Christmas break of our college sophomore years.  We had both done hard physical labor the summer before, and we were determined to do something different in this upcoming summer.  It was 1966, and through various contacts, we ended up being accepted to work in a summer youth program at Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church in Brooklyn, and we were ecstatic!  New York!  Getting out of the South, getting out of small-town Arkansas – finding a new world.

It was a huge leap – I don’t know that either of us would have gone up to NYC without the other, but together we felt like we could do it.  Indeed, a few nights before our departure to Brooklyn, I almost backed out.  I had begun dating a young woman in Helena, and in my lack of experience, I dreamed that we were falling in love.  I did not want to leave Helena and risk losing her.  I remember sitting on the hood of David’s car on a summer night on a dirt road in the middle of a cotton field, telling David that I did not think that I could go to Brooklyn because of my love for the young woman.  David stepped up that night and convinced me to follow that dream that we had discovered earlier in the year.  If the love was true, he said, it would be there when I returned.  “Besides,” he added, “this is a chance of a lifetime to see a brand new world – in New York City!”

We did go to Brooklyn in that summer of 1966, and it changed our lives forever.  The shackles of white supremacy began to loosen their hold on us, and before we returned to Arkansas at the end of that summer, we acknowledged to one another that we could not go home again – we were not the same.  As I have written elsewhere (see my most recent book “She Made A Way: Mother and Me in a Deep South World”), when we came back to Helena, the whole world looked different.  We could no longer abide in the white supremacy that held us when we headed to Brooklyn, and for the next few years, David and I would be fellow pilgrims on a new journey towards liberation and wholeness – many miles to go before we slept, but on the journey, nonetheless.  David writes the story of his journey in his book :“Deep Denial: The Persistence of White Supremacy in United States History and Life” – if you haven’t read it, get it and learn from it.

David and I have remained friends and colleagues and comrades over many decades, and I’ll be writing this year about some of our journeys together – seminary days, Nashville and New Orleans, anti-racism work, Ole Miss football and Nellie Fox and the dreaded Yankees (how could a man of such insight be a Yankees’ fan?), writing days, and now in our latter years, looking back over lifetimes of friendship, engagement and encouragement, pushing and pulling, supporting and celebrating one another and our life together.  We’ll have a chance to visit again when Caroline, Susan, and I spend a few days in NYC in late May on the way back from granddaughter Emma’s college graduation.  I look forward to that, but for now, I want to say:  Thank you, David, for all your gifts to me and to so many others!

"MOTHER'S DAY"

 “MOTHER’S DAY”

Last summer, Wipf and Stock published my book on my mother and me, entitled:  “She Made A Way:  Mother and Me in a Deep South World.”  For Mother’s Day, here is a tribute to my mother from that book.  If you haven’t gotten your copy, please do so.  It will make a great Mother’s Day gift!  

    As I have noted before, I was raised by a single mom, Mary Armour Stroupe, and we lived with my great-great aunt Bernice Higgins (I called her “Gran.”) My father abandoned my mother and me for another woman when I was an infant, and I never met him again until I was 23 – he never contacted me or ever came to see me. 

    Though we lived in a patriarchal world in Helena, Arkansas, my mother escaped much of it because she worked as a beautician at Ted’s Beauty Shop in downtown Helena at the other end of Porter Street, about a mile from our house.  I don’t know how or when Mother started that job at Ted’s – she was there when my memories began.  In my younger days, I thought that it was owned by a man named “Ted,” but Mother let me know that it was named after the woman who owned it – Ted Bostick.  I can remember nothing else about Ted, but as I write this, I am just realizing that such female ownership reinforced the sense that beauty shops in the 1950’s were a woman’s domain, whether one was classified as white or Black.  No males, except salesman, were to be found in those beauty shops.  

    Ted’s was located in the Cleburne Hotel, which had been opened in 1905 and named after Confederate General Patrick Cleburne.  It had a colonial revival style with huge columns in the front, facing Cherry Street, the main downtown street.  In its youth, it was quite a grand place, near the railroad depot for travelers to stay, housing barber and beauty shops and other stores. I would often stop by Ted’s Beauty Shop on my way home from school.  It was a fascinating place to me – a woman’s world!  All women beauty operators, and all kinds of white women there, getting their hair done, getting pampered, getting listened to, getting a chance to share their stories and local gossip, getting a chance to exhale and be accepted without the censoring or lustful eyes of men to put them in their places.  

    It was a refuge from patriarchy, even though they were often getting their hair done and having themselves made up for their men (and other women).  When I would enter Ted’s, there was an intriguing set of smells wafting through the air, a mixture of perfume, shampoo, dyes, chemicals, hair spray, and cigarette smoke.  As a young boy, the women there - both operators and customers – would fawn over me, and I loved the attention.  Part of it was my relationship to Mother, and part of it was that in my childhood, I was still in my innocent youth, a young male fascinated by being allowed to enter this women’s world, not yet so tainted by the crushing patriarchy (and sexuality) that awaited them outside the confines of the beauty shop. 

    I remember when I was about 6 years old, waiting on our front porch for Mother to come home from work.  We had no car, and she had to walk a mile home from Ted’s after being on her feet all day.  I was waiting with great anticipation because I wanted her to play catch with me, to toss the baseball around with me.  I remember feeling excited when I saw her - in her white beautician’s uniform and heavy white shoes - climb the big hill on Porter Street, now only about a block from our house.  I would run up to her and say, “Mama, let’s play catch!  I’ve been waiting a long time.”  I do not ever remember her saying to me: “Nibs, I’m just too tired. Let’s do it another day.”  My memory of her is that she always said “Yes, Nibs, let’s do that – let me change out of my uniform, and we’ll throw the ball around.”  

    I never realized what I was asking of her until I had my own kids – how tired she must have been, how stressed out she was with our tenuous financial situation, how she likely longed to sit down for a while and put her feet up.  Later in her life, I asked her if she ever said “No” to me when I asked her to play catch right after work, and she said: “Of course – often I was just too tired.”  I am intrigued that I do not remember those times – my memories are focused on the “Yes,” not the “No.”

       And, that’s how I remember my mother – the one who stayed, the one who loved me, the one who gave me life.  I know that some people have trouble with the idea of Mother’s Day – bad relations with their mothers, the sentimentalism and commercialization of Mother’s Day, those women unable to have children – but for me, it is an opportunity to say “Thank you” to my mother, to Gran, and to all the other women who provided mothering love to me.  It is also a reminder that all of us, regardless of our gender identity, are called to share that mothering love with one another – comforting, enduring, challenging, nurturing.  Let us be mothers one to the other.