"MY SIN"

 “MY SIN”

Thanks to Barbara Jung’s leadership, there is a good poetry group at North Decatur Presbyterian Church, which  I joined it earlier this year.  Since I am a member, there are obviously no high qualifications to get in, though there are people in it who write fine poetry.  Barbara asks us to share poems twice a month or so – we can write our own, or we can share poems from others, famous and not-so-famous.  Earlier this month, she asked us to share poems related to the Advent and Christmas seasons, and I remembered one by Ann Weems, a Presbyterian elder whose poems Caroline and I often used at St. Columba and Oakhurst churches.  This one is not a religious poem, but it carries religious weight for me.  Here it is – it is “Giving” by Ann Weems:

"GIVING"

I gave my mother Evening in Paris,

   sixty-five cents at the five-and-dime,

        A Christmas Special.

Everybody knew ----in the second grade----

    that ladies longed for perfume.

I wanted to give her something special.....

     no Christmas chocolates she'd share with the others,

     no crayoned creation to hang in the kitchen, 

     no photo of me with a snaggled-tooth grin, 

     but a gift that on one else would use,

          a present just for my mother.

I wrapped it in tissue

          adorned with red reindeer

     and wrote "I LOVE YOU!"

          and signed it in cursive.

I thought that it was the grandest gift anybody could give.

She thought so, too."

When I engaged this poem many years ago, it seemed so close to my experience with my own mother.  Mother loved all things Christmas.  When I was an infant, we had moved in with her great aunt (whom I called “Gran”), who had a strong puritanical streak.  Gran loved cooking a big meal for Christmas, but she did not permit any Christmas decorations in the house because she felt that it was un-Christian to be so “secular” about Christmas.   Mother’s infectious attitude about Christmas, however, eventually won Gran over, and the whole house was decorated.

  We  had very little money for Christmas, but my mother scrimped and saved all year in order to provide decorations and presents.  She also asked her beauty shop customers to give me presents rather than give them to her.  So, I was often showered with presents at Christmas – a great time for me!  Mother’s attitude also permeated my consciousness – unlike many men, I like Christmas!  As a boy, I would also save up my meager monies (that I wasn’t spending for comic books and movies during the year) in order to buy presents for Mother.  I got her many trinkets, but her main desire every year was My Sin dusting powder  by Lanvin.  To my regret, it was much more expensive than “regular” dusting powder, and on one occasion I bought a less expensive brand for her for Christmas.  While she said she like the less expensive brand when she opened the present, I could tell that she was disappointed.  After that, it was always “My Sin” for me and for her!  Indeed, she wanted “My Sin” dusting powder until she was in her late 70’s, and it became very hard to find.

When I first engaged “Giving” by Ann Weems, it brought back a rush of memories for me, and when I re-engaged it this year, it did the same.  I generally have pleasant memories of Christmas, though two memorable ones pop out that are unpleasant.  One was in 1969 when my fiancé broke off our engagement.  The other was in 1993 when my mother almost lost her life in a terrible auto accident.  Whatever you think of Christmas and the commercialization of the season and the emphasis on presents, remember the love that flows underneath and through the Christmas season.  Whether you believe in the God or in the biblical versions of the Christmas stories – there is an emphasis on love that undergirds our lives. It is the fire that warms us all, even in the midst of “My Sin.”