"SURGERY LOOMING - OPPORTUNITY AND ANXIETY"

 “SURGERY LOOMING – OPPORTUNITY AND ANXIETY”

Neither Caroline or I have had an overnight stay in the hospital since our daughter Susan was born in the early 80’s.  We are so grateful and blessed that our health has taken us this far without hospitalization.  We have both had outpatient surgeries that did not require an overnight stay, and we are grateful for the surgeons, nurses, support staff, and technology which enabled that.  

Caroline has been experiencing major back, leg, and hip pains since early last fall.  She has been consulting with Emory nurses and physicians and has received spinal steroid injections, which have provided temporary relief but have worn off quickly.  Her pain level has consistently remained at a 7 or 8 level for a long time, and with the advice of the surgeon, she is now scheduled to have major back surgery this Thursday, August 26 at the Emory Spine Hospital.  It had been scheduled for tomorrow, but we learned late this past week that a major surgical X-ray machine had broken down, so the surgery was moved to Thursday – we want the equipment to be working!  We’re hoping that the surge in Covid cases does not postpone the surgery again.  We should find out at her  pre-op this Tuesday.  If it is a go, we will give thanks and get ready for surgery, for the 2-3 day stay in the hospital, and the long recuperation at home.  As pastors, we have seen many people in the hospital, but this will be our first time in almost 40 years as a patient.

In this sense, we are turning a corner in our journey.  Caroline is longing for relief from the pain, so while she is dreading the surgery and recovery, she sees this as an opportunity for new possibilities with much less pain.  Since I am not experiencing the pain directly (though certainly indirectly) and given our different personalities, I am seeing this corner turn with anxiety.  Will she make it OK through the surgery?  Can I be an adequate caretaker for her over the six week recuperation period?  Please be lifting us both up in this turning the corner, especially Caroline who will be experiencing the roughest part of this turn.  We are grateful to many friends who will be assisting, and to North Decatur Presbyterian Church, which has set up a mealtrain for us.

We just had a great visit with both of our children, Susan and David (and granddaughter Zoe as a bonus!)  They were both reminding us of how grateful they are that the surgeons and surgical techniques are available for the procedure, which seems very likely to provide major pain relief for Caroline.  At this kind of corner turning, I am glad that in our rationed health care system, we are one of those who are given the care.  It reinforces our continued commitment to working for this kind of health care for everyone in our society.   

From my point of view, it is also turning a corner to acknowledge fully our aging and the limitations that come with that.  That is a hard awakening, but it is upon us. I am grateful to so many of you who have made that transition so well and who have  modeled it so well – with determination, with commitment to your own humanity and that of others, and with humor!  I am reminded of the closing lines of the Tennyson poem “Ulysses” that I learned in high school:  

“Though much is taken, much abides; and though

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

I don’t know that Caroline and I moved earth and heaven, but we have been trailblazers in many ways.  And, though my heart doesn’t often feel heroic in these days, I do resonate with the poet’s image of continuing to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.   Please be lifting us up in this next big step in our journey.  I know that many of you have come through major surgery well, and your work and recovery and strength are inspiring to us.  In the days  of recovery, I’m not sure when my next weekly blog will be, but I will be posting updates on Caroline.  We give thanks for you and for your friendship and support and prayers.