"A REAL MAN"

“A REAL MAN”

            Last week I looked at Courageous Mary and her taking some ownership of her sexuality in the Biblical accounts of the birth of Jesus.  As courageous as she was in Luke 1, she still faced the death penalty because she was pregnant by someone other than her fiancé.  Her fate remained in the hands of the patriarchy, of the toxic masculinity system.  Indeed, her fate rested in the hands of one man, her fiancé Joseph.  In this past weekend’s re-affirmation of toxic masculinity in the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to be a Supreme Court justice, let us look at what the Bible tells us about a real man, a non-toxic man.

            We do not have a Biblical account of Mary’s telling Joseph about her being pregnant by someone other than him, and her telling him that the “someone” is not a human being.  Here, Joseph enters the story – not in Luke, interestingly enough.  For Joseph’s point of view, we must turn to Matthew’s Gospel.  Matthew has given us a clue that he may not be totally bound to male domination, because in his genealogy of Jesus, he breaks with patriarchy and lists five women in the genealogy.  And, from the patriarchal point of view, these five women are troublesome – a woman who learns how to survive in the patriarchal world (Tamar), an enterprising and independent businesswoman, (Rahab), a foreign immigrant (Ruth), a woman forced to commit adultery by King David (unnamed in Matthew and called “the wife of Uriah” –Bathsheba was her name), and this courageous young woman named Mary. 

            Joseph comes to present his case, as did Brett Kavanaugh.  Whereas Kavanaugh brought all the signs of toxic masculinity to the table – belligerence, accusations, resentment, threats – Joseph does not.  Make no mistake – Joseph belongs to patriarchy, but his momma and his daddy (and God) have taught him a different slant.  Rather than putting his male resentment at the center, as is his right under patriarchy, he chooses not to call Mary before the elders in order to stone her to death.  He decides to divorce her and “dismiss her quietly.”  “Dismiss her quietly” is the liberal term for the death penalty in slow motion – Mary, disgraced because she sought a bit of control over her sexuality, will likely hit the streets and earn money any way that she can. 

            In Matthew’s account, Joseph is able to present authentic masculinity, not toxic masculinity, to Courageous Mary.   He is able to do this because he was open to perceiving God’s vision for him and for Courageous Mary and for the baby he would claim as his own, Black Jesus.  An angel (unnamed) appears to him in a dream and tells him that rather than dismissing Mary quietly in the realm of toxic masculinity, he should move from the center of life to the margins of life to join Courageous Mary and his child-to-be.  Joseph is a dreamer – he’ll have two more life-saving visions in Matthew (sounding like another dreamer named Joseph in the Hebrew Scriptures).  Perhaps this search for visions is what saves him from the toxic masculinity of Brett Kavanaugh and many others – he could “see” further and deeper than many of us.  So he takes a chance on love and says “yes” to Courageous Mary and to God.  He moves with Mary to the margins, but he uses his masculine power to protect her, not attack her.  Protect her from the elders, protect her from the death penalty, protect her from the government soldiers who search for her baby to kill him. 

            Wonder where black Jesus got his authentic, non-toxic masculinity?  From Courageous Mary, and now from a real man named Joseph.  Want to know what a real man looks like?  Don’t look at Brett Kavanaugh or Donald Trump or Mitch McConnell or Lindsay Graham – they are distortions of masculinity, toxic men.  Look at Joseph and at Jesus, and look at others.  I’m hoping that you know some in your life, real men who are nurturing, loving, protecting, willing to be at the margins of patriarchy.  The next step?  Thank the real men in your life, and then plan to vote for candidates on November 6 who are courageous like Mary and Joseph.  We need them in leadership so badly right now!